Great Scott! It certainly has been a long time since I did this. But once again, my cell phone is full, and I need a place to deposit it's refuse. If you'll just bare (bear?) with me...

They aren't terribly interesting this time, with a couple of them being.... well, you'll see.

1) Lazara Cormin is a cool name.
- I'm always thinking about how to name things. Creatures, pets, new characters who will never meet the gaze of my peers or see the light of the internet, and so on. They usually come when I'm reading something wrong at a distance, and the letters merge together, and I go "What the f*ck is Lazara Cormin...? ...Actually, that's not bad!"

2) All fine all good. Then I ask a question of a bus driver and he is sarcastic and suddenly my mind is full of negativity.
- I was on my way to Market Mall shortly after being back from Japan. It was my first time taking the transit in Calgary since coming back, and I was used to the Tokyo system, so I was a little disoriented. Assuming I could ask a city employee (EG. Bus Driver) how to get around the city, I asked the bus driver "This bus goes to Market Mall, right?" to which he said - after scoffing, turning, and abruptly pointing to the sign - "That's what the sign says, right?" And, well, being the sensitive little pussy I am, took it too hard and spent the rest of the bus ride brooding. That's one thing I miss about Japan; wherever you are, the employees in the service industry are always polite, no matter how frustrating of a customer you may be.

3) I was thinking about Russell Peters saying he brought some DVDs with him on a flight. What if he rented one? Would he internationally mail it back to Blockbuster?
- An idle thought that I thought was funnier than it actually is. But really, what if you rented something and you had to mail it from India back to the video rental store? First of all, it would probably be late no matter what, but secondly, what would the postman think as he walks up to the Blockbuster with a video from India in hand? I thought it was funny.

4) Embury Blashill
- Another "Cool Name."

5) I owe Leo a towel and some dinners.
- ...Because I threw up black tar all over one of his towels and totally messed up his bathroom one night. Never mix alcohol with things you need to smoke to enjoy! I actually probably owe him more than just a towel and dinners.

6) To Play Empire: 2.4ghz Processor. 2GB Ram. 256mb Directx Compliant Pixel Shader 2 video card.
- These are the recommended specs of a computer that wants to run a game called Empire: Total War. I'm still working on getting a computer that can do it.

7) Got stranded in bathroom stall without tp had to use next stall's tp but brown-shoe the butt-pirate wouldn't stop peeing
- It was a warm day in Winter, and it was just after a dentist appointment. My Dad had dropped me at the dentist's office then went to work, leaving me to get back home on my own. I decided to stop for some lunch at a nearby food court. So I ate something, and then duty called. So I went in, and did my business, but there was no toilet paper. Now, this had never happened to me before. And it's not like anybody had given me any preparatory advice, either. "Andrew, if you're in a public washroom and you're out out of TP, here are some tips." No. So I concluded that I could either use my underpants to wipe up and leave them in the stall, partly as revenge on the retarded caretakers for not properly stocking their bathrooms, OR I could take it like a man and snag some TP from an adjacent stall. Since I was actually wearing some of my favourite boxers, I ruled out the revenge-plot. And luckily, the only adjacent stall had a bit of toilet paper dangling low enough that I would be able to subtly reach over and grab it.

Except for Brown-Shoe the Butt-Pirate.

He came in just after I had, so I decided to wait for him to finish up before I reached into his stall and grabbed some TP. Unfortunately, this guy was ... I don't even fucking know. Have you seen that Austin Powers movie where he comes out of cryo-sleep and pees for goddamn-near forever? That's what Brown-Shoe did. Fucking endless stream of piss that went on for about a minute, then a pause, then MORE PEE. Once I actually got fed up with waiting for him to stop peeing, I took note of the time. By the time he actually finished and wiped up, it was FIFTEEN MINUTES. NOBODY else came into the bathroom for that entire fifteen minutes, just Brown-Shoe and me, and he would NOT LEAVE. Finally he left, though, and I obtained my toilet paper.

But I needed revenge. So, I took all the toilet paper from that bathroom and put all of the rolls in their respective toilets.

8) I was going to say COOL THERE ARE NO FAT PEOPLE HERE except then I noticed we brought a couple with us...
- Ha ha, I wrote this when we landed in Japan on our exchange-trip. I looked around the airport terminal and saw that there really, really weren't any above-average-weight people. That is, except for the three that we brought with us. If any of you guys read this, I'm sorry! But at least I didn't say it at the time, in public, right? I love ya'll. Every excessive pound of ya ;D But seriously, just jokes.

9) Hemp Ants
- What is this I don't even... Oh, I remember. Recently, I went on an epic bike adventure. My target was Coventry Hills, which is a cool 11 KM bike ride along Country Hills. But me, being the expert navigator and adventure-man I am, decided that I wouldn't follow the EASY route, oh no. I would go through tunnels and parks and over hills and through marked-off construction sites and through golf courses (trespassing! I'm a smooth criminal.) and get onto Stoney Trail until I made it to Centre Street N. If you don't know, that's a part of the city where there are NO HOUSES. It's where the farmlands begin. But enough about that.

Passing through a little strip mall where I asked for directions back to civilization ("Oh yeah, you're way off. Go back about 5K, then head south on Beddington until you hit Country Hills again.") I saw a sign that said "HEMP ANTS: $40" And I was terribly confused. But then I realized they meant "HEM PANTS" and that some troublesome teenagers had switched the letters around.

BONUS ROUNDS!

I had so many interesting things happen to me, I actually had to write them down by texting myself! Aren't you lucky.

10) Yes, now I am master of the chips.
- All night, the host's cousin was guarding the chips with his life. Sitting right in front of all of them, nobody knew him well enough to go up and strike up a conversation, but he just kept guarding the chips. Until he needed to pee. Then I struck! I sat in his seat, and there were chips for all. Well, just for me, because nobody else at the party knew who I was, either. Ah yes, being the chip-master was nice.

And that's all I wrote... this time.